We were to meet near 8th B. I had looked forward to waking up. I crossed the street when I got a ping on my phone. She couldn’t make it. Her grandmother had fallen ill. I cursed my fate. I was about to go back when I remember her saying how she missed 8TH B. I figured that since she would be going back, I might as well get some pastries from there. She likes pineapple as a topping.
As I was entering 8th B I saw a ghost. It was R. I could not forget her in spite of not seeing her the past five years. I doubt she forgave me in that time. We looked at each other and I knew it was time. She had told me on the last day of school that she would kill me.
She nodded and I followed her. We walked to the side lane. There was a park nearby. We would walk like we did before. We entered the park just as a man from Pemberley was exiting. I shivered and felt cold despite my many layers. R on the other hand was busy fidgeting with her black jacket. She had her glasses on.
I remember the last time I saw her. It was a July morning. She had talked of her painting that she was working on. It wasn’t complete, she said.
In the present day we walked in the park with her being some steps ahead of me. That seemed right. I imagined we were going through all our cumulative memories. She probably didn’t care much for me having the five-year lead on her. It made me want to tell her of the essay we wrote on in school about how our years matter only in what we do with them. I was a pauper to her in that respect.
I wished I had an affinity for cigarettes. I was not going to have a last dance with her but I wanted to have my first smoke in that rate. I dare say that if I looked at myself in the mirror it would be a terrifying sight.
Our hugs were flashing in my heart. They had the resonance of ambulance alerts. I was steadying myself for her words to come true like they always do. I was surprised at what happened next.
R turned her curled hair towards me and I could make out the faint traces of a smile. It makes diamonds shine, even those lodged in the deepest recesses. She spoke in front of her. She said:
“I forgive you. It took me a while but it is there now. You are going to be haunted by me in any case. You are going to remember us in your house. I told you that I don’t call you when I get drunk. You will remember us getting drunk in CM. And the moment we looked at each other afterwards. And then I walked away.”
I looked down at the ground, at the thrash lying around. It made me think of the time we had gone to CS after our Japanese lunch. I was glad you went along with it. I was giddy at us being surrounded by books. For me that was Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden.
I wished I had seen that painting. I wished I didn’t have to leave. A world without was not worth bearing. She was the sun for everyone around her. I had the opportunity to talk to her for two years and I blew it by being stand-offish. I didn’t give myself a chance in the world.
I wanted to tell R that I was thankful for her presence after my artist friend had ditched me. It was a time of revolution and I chose the wrong side to be on. I don’t regret that somehow even though we are still on talking terms now.
Back to that cigarette itch. I was overpowered into a thunderous silence within me. Nothing was blinking as such. I ran and ran to no measure of relief. I wanted to squat and puke but nothing would ever come out regardless of the occasion.
I wanted to dance across the puddle of my tears. I wanted to surmount my dizzying thoughts by jumping across them gingerly. I had mountaineered and I knew that going up was harder than going down.
After all you are there once and you can dismount and move on back. But what if you get taken away in the first half of the act? Would you be left scarping your wounds and stuck in the air? You will be between Devil’s Own and Hard Rock Café before you know it.
I remember wishing that I could go to the P with you, that I would replace M from the photos that you have. I was aghast at him claiming that you two were a couple. Talk about a prophecy that came true. The writing on the wall had nothing on this affair.
At this moment I would take death really. Anything would be better to this living hell. I knew my soul would not be damned just yet because she did forgive me. I wish I could take in the relief of my soul. As if my self was a collapsible bridge well on its way to falling.
I snapped out of it all. I picked up the pineapple and strawberry pastries. I then got on a bus to SL. I remember R telling me to go there once a week to meet my girlfriend. She had her own friend in SL. Maybe I would see her ghost there as well. These are the waking dreams I live for.
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